The weirdest part of Shaquille O’Neal unleashing a diss track directed at LaVar Ball is that it’s actually pretty good.
They have a history that started with O’Neal ripping Big Baller Brand’s $495 price tag and spiraled from there.
The beat is Jay-Z’s “Blueprint (Momma Loves Me)” — produced by underrated Roc-A-Fella house producer Bink — which isn’t exactly a typical battle beat. But Shaq doesn’t drop a typical angry, over-the-top freestyle battle verse. This isn’t “Kobe, Tell Me How My A— Taste.”
“I been doing this a long time,
when you was averaging 2 points, riding the pine.
See my T-shirts, see my feet work.
Big Baller Brand? That was me first.”
He even referenced some of his NBA playing-day rivals:
“You beating me? That’s a bunch of baloney
You think you Mailman? You ain’t even Jeff Maloney.
When did you play? Huh? What year?
Oh yeah, you played for Dallas. Erick Dampier.”
Poor Erick Dampier got it bad back in the day.
Of course Shaq had to drop some sponsor love:
“You want to battle Dies’? You better have endurance.
Before you crash, man, get The General insurance.
Or get some Icy Hot. Rub it on your back.”
Then back to dissing — and boasting:
“First you can beat Mike, then you can beat me?
You better wake that ass up, you’re having a dream.
And when you wake up, apologize
and bow down to my Staples Center statue hanging out the side
of the building. Excuse me, arena.
I feel like Martin with this flow — ‘Damn Gina!’”
Yeah, Lonzo has a ways to go before he can claim to be a Los Angeles Lakers legend like O’Neal.
My favorite part of the song was the nod to Jay-Z’s original combined with an interesting little turn of phrase about O’Neal’s career.
“Penny love me, Kobe hate me.
D-Wade ain’t tell me Pat Riley was going to trade me.
That ain’t fade me. Nothing fade me.
Jerry Maguire with this flow: Pay me!”
O’Neal did leave LaVar with one nice thought:
“Two more things I got to say:
You did a great job, I love how your sons play.
And little ’Melo, too. Attitude, hella cool.”
He’s always been a better rapper than advertised — certainly much better than, say, Jason Kidd or Kobe Bryant. But O’Neal dropped a diss that was thoughtful, eloquent and kind of dope.